Hi and Happy July! This may be a holiday week for many in the US, so this week's post will be light and breezy.
For me, and maybe for you, there always seems to be that "one person" who has the ability to push my buttons, raise my blood pressure, and otherwise annoy me to distraction. I recently encountered such a person and found myself really bothered in a matter of minutes (okay, maybe seconds). This person really had not done or said anything offensive to me, but for some reason, I was perturbed.
Luckily, I had a few moments to pause and reflect on why I was getting so worked up over quite literally, nothing. And then this word hit me. Expectations. It occurred to me that I was getting upset because my own expectations of interacting with this person were not being met. Hmm...
I began to ask myself all sorts of questions like:
What just happened here?
Can I name the emotion I am feeling? Is it disappointment, rejection, frustration?
Why am I feeling this way?
What did I expect and why?
What happens when I release those expectations?
Once I went through those questions, it became clearer to me that I was reacting to my own unmet, unrealistic expectations of this other person that had absolutely nothing to do with them. It was me. Ouch. Through that process, I was able to reconcile my feelings and release my expectations of the other person and could see them with more compassionate eyes. What a relief that was! I realized that I was unnecessarily wasting all sorts of emotional and psychological energy being mad about a story I was creating in my own mind.
Through this reflection, it also occurred to me that our expectations about any given situation whether it be work, social, family, etc., can really make a difference with our own internal happiness, how we engage with people, and view the world.
So the next time you encounter one of "those people," I invite you to take a quick deep dive into your own expectations and set them free like dandelion seeds in the wind. In the process, you may wish to silently offer the other person (and yourself) these words from the Loving Kindness Meditation:
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you live with ease
Until next time, be well.
Comments